I got the latest alumni magazine from my college recently, and as I was thumbing through the Class Notes section, I came across this gem:

[Name witheld] is training to compete in the 2006 Ultimate Fighting Championships. When not training, [name] writes a bimonthly column for the midwest regional newletter (the Beef ‘n’ Chatter) of a semi-national chain of roast beef restaurants and works as a policyholder insurance coverage attorney with the Chicago law firm of [lawfirm].

Holy crap, what have I been doing with my life?!